So, it’d be fair to
say that the lead-up to my 30th birthday caused me a hell of a lot
of angst.
For some reason the
impending milestone of 30 just got me into a spin. I knew it was irrational, I
knew it would just be another day,
but for some reason, which I still don’t fully understand, I was TOTALLY
FREAKING OUT. I guess it was kind of a culmination of a lot of factors.
Let me explain...
It might seem hard
to believe, but I actually used to be
an adult. As in, a real adult! A responsible
home-owner with regular mortgage repayments, a renovator of my house, a senior
Biology teacher, a pet-owner, a beer brewer, a vegetable grower... yep! And
more. I was pretty grown up back in the day! Before I transitioned into teaching,
I even worked in a lab and did research and have many scientific publications
n’ shit. My CV is prrrretty hefty, if I do say so myself!
Our house! What a project!
WOW, listing it all
is making me feel good and very accomplished. Excuse me for a minute; I must go
on...my psyche could do with the boost.
I attended parent teacher interviews and spoke about the progress of my students (without swearing or anything, really!).
I designed biology programs and developed syllabus in line with the national curriculum.
I entered into a substantial mortgage to purchase a ‘renovators delight’ with Greg, my long-term partner, back in Melbourne.
Greg and I renovated said ‘delight’!
I cared for my dog, Alfie, as though he was my own flesh and blood. With two cruciate ligament surgeries thus far, let me tell ya... it is expensive to be responsible!
I had (HAVE!) two ducks in Melbourne who I was (am?) responsible for. This involved feeding them, putting them safely in their duck shed every night to keep them safe from foxes and then letting them out every morning at the crack of dawn. Jemima Puddleduck also had to have an operation to remove...something that fell out of her cloacae? (don’t ask- you don’t wanna hear. But it was not pretty!) Again, responsibility costs!
I had a car! And paid rego, and insurance n’ shit. Even topped her up with petrol from time to time!
I attended parent teacher interviews and spoke about the progress of my students (without swearing or anything, really!).
I designed biology programs and developed syllabus in line with the national curriculum.
I entered into a substantial mortgage to purchase a ‘renovators delight’ with Greg, my long-term partner, back in Melbourne.
Greg and I renovated said ‘delight’!
I cared for my dog, Alfie, as though he was my own flesh and blood. With two cruciate ligament surgeries thus far, let me tell ya... it is expensive to be responsible!
I had (HAVE!) two ducks in Melbourne who I was (am?) responsible for. This involved feeding them, putting them safely in their duck shed every night to keep them safe from foxes and then letting them out every morning at the crack of dawn. Jemima Puddleduck also had to have an operation to remove...something that fell out of her cloacae? (don’t ask- you don’t wanna hear. But it was not pretty!) Again, responsibility costs!
I had a car! And paid rego, and insurance n’ shit. Even topped her up with petrol from time to time!
A glimpse of the state of the backyard throughout renovations
Henrietta walks the rubbish walk
(Alfie is seen contemplating his options directly behind me)
(Alfie is seen contemplating his options directly behind me)
 |
| Alfie is overwhelmed by the chaos...BUT occasionally excited by the rats the chaos brings with it! |
Greg takes solace in the drink. A giant bottle of my home-brew!
Front yard CHAOS! And my duckies. And some small children. Not ideally suited together?
Yep, I dug another hole...Preparing the foundations for the new front deck
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My little Alfa has his torn cruciate ligament operated on! Nawww, my little guy! He was so miserable that it tore my heart into shreds
Holy shit! In
retrospect, and after having done that short documentation of it all, I can’t
believe I was ever so grown up!
What happened?
Welp, then, without
too much conviction due to the complexity of my life at that point (refer to
list above), but with immense time pressures, I decided to up and leave...
abandon all responsibilities and move to Berlin. Like a fart in the wind.
I actually didn’t have much choice in the matter; I’d wanted to live in Germany for as long as I could remember and the current reciprocal visa agreement between Germany and Australia permitted that...but only to those 30 years and younger!
I was 29. Time was a’ ticking.
I actually didn’t have much choice in the matter; I’d wanted to live in Germany for as long as I could remember and the current reciprocal visa agreement between Germany and Australia permitted that...but only to those 30 years and younger!
I was 29. Time was a’ ticking.
So, my looming 30th
birthday was quite some time pressure and I decided I had to go. If I didn’t
just up and leave then and there, it would have been too late. It wasn’t ideal
in terms of timing, I realise. I had no savings and a lot of responsibilities. I’ve
actually copped a lot of flak from some people for making such a decision... But
I just had to do it. Something inside of me always knew. Had I chosen not to do it then, and
rather waited and waited and lost the chance, it would have been an immense regret for
life. So, sometimes you just have to throw caution to the
wind! Ja, ja, and whilst doing so, inevitably piss off various people, but at
least execute it with self-conviction.
Whether or not I managed the self-conviction is probably debatable!
Whether or not I managed the self-conviction is probably debatable!
So I took 1 year
‘leave-without-pay’ from my teaching job in Melbourne and moved to Berlin. What
about my house? My doggie? My duckies? My relationship?? Well...that all
probably warrants another blog in iteself. So let’s just say, in a nutshell,
Gregory very kindly agreed to look after all of my beloved organisms. And he’s
doing a wonderful job at that. I miss them all more than I can begin to express.
Now, I’m not sure
how it exactly happened, and to this day people tell me it’s the inevitable
reality (which I always resented to an extent), but as soon as I moved to
Berlin something in my head clicked and I back flipped straight back into some
sort of adolescence. Apparently this regression from adulthood is a commonly
observed phenomenon upon relocating to Berlin. WHAT a load of codswallop, I
hear you say? And look, I’m not going to necessarily agree with that view
either, but nevertheless I started behaving slightly incorrigibly. My lifestyle
became far more fast-paced and even
slightly debaucherous. Tattoos, piercings, clubbing, booooze... Soooo much booze...
MEIN GOTT! Beer is cheaper than water here! Too many social plans, too many
people to see! It’s difficult to get time to just recuperate, recover and
reflect; until of course, your hand is forced through sickness after a body
collapse (see ‘Berlin Bacteria Bite Back’).
My sisters, bless their
socks, are constantly nagging me, worrying about me, mothering me, yelling at
me... they think it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens. I’m
hoping I’m not as stupid as they would have you believe... and let’s face it,
ignorance can be absolute bliss! I'm just getting a bit carried away with this 'having no responsibilty anymore' business. It's as though I needed it. But I'm also starting to realise that through pretending to be an idiot, ultimately I will become an idiot. It’s
already happening I think. But if my sisters are on the money and something terrible does happen to me, don't stress. Tell the folks at home
I’ve lead a good life. Would have been nice to make it to South America and
climb Machu Picchu, but whatareyagonnado?! At least I think I’ve finally
determined what my favourite nut is. Pistachio!
As far as employment
goes here in Berlin, I was incredibly fortunate upon my arrival to chance upon
a research / technical assistant position in a renowned Molecular Biology
Laboratory, where I currently work half-time. The work is relatively brain-dead
work; I care for [read: mass murder] my sweet little Drosophila melanogaster (fruit-flies), the model organism for the
research the lab is doing looking at research into Neural Tissue
Differentiation. Would you believe that, if anything, this is
making me even more anthropomorphic
than before; I can barely walk along a street these days without considering
all of the microorganisms each footstep must be wiping out! The half-time work and
lack of mental stimulation has been excellent because it’s facilitated learning
German intensively, which has seen me progress to level B1.2. At the moment I
have taken a German lesson hiatus while I sort my life out. Shiiiiiiiit! Gotta
do that. Really should sort my life out...
But... lets dissect that. Sorting my life out. What the fuck am I doing? I moved to Berlin to start working a job I’m well and truly overqualified for HALF-TIME, just so I could live in poverty and get dumber?! Is that sensible? Hmm. Debatable. My job and life direction (or lack thereof) are major contributing factors in my current conundrum. Although I am incredibly lucky to have a ‘serious’ job at all in Berlin, one where they even looked at my CV (many of the people I know are still seeking one in vain), the job I have is not necessarily sustainable for my situation and it is by no means mentally challenging. Let’s face it; I’m basically a glorified cleaner! My brain is atrophying. Not that I’m complaining about that at the moment...I’m actually enjoying the lack of responsibility. And my boss is goddamned cool! I think I’ve needed this gap for a while. But, in addition to the relatively low status the job entails, it’s also only half-time. This leaves my finances pretty tight. In fact, for the month of both February and March, I lived a life more ‘pinched’ for cash than I’ve ever experienced! Ridiculous, when you consider that I just turned 30! I’m more poverty stricken now than I was when I was a university student. Shouldn’t I be climbing professional ladders and thinking about families and building my superannuation and all of that? Hmmm. Food for thought, food for thought... At least I'm having fun, right?
But... lets dissect that. Sorting my life out. What the fuck am I doing? I moved to Berlin to start working a job I’m well and truly overqualified for HALF-TIME, just so I could live in poverty and get dumber?! Is that sensible? Hmm. Debatable. My job and life direction (or lack thereof) are major contributing factors in my current conundrum. Although I am incredibly lucky to have a ‘serious’ job at all in Berlin, one where they even looked at my CV (many of the people I know are still seeking one in vain), the job I have is not necessarily sustainable for my situation and it is by no means mentally challenging. Let’s face it; I’m basically a glorified cleaner! My brain is atrophying. Not that I’m complaining about that at the moment...I’m actually enjoying the lack of responsibility. And my boss is goddamned cool! I think I’ve needed this gap for a while. But, in addition to the relatively low status the job entails, it’s also only half-time. This leaves my finances pretty tight. In fact, for the month of both February and March, I lived a life more ‘pinched’ for cash than I’ve ever experienced! Ridiculous, when you consider that I just turned 30! I’m more poverty stricken now than I was when I was a university student. Shouldn’t I be climbing professional ladders and thinking about families and building my superannuation and all of that? Hmmm. Food for thought, food for thought... At least I'm having fun, right?
I also have a great job
back in Melbourne. If I elected not to return, it’s the nail in the coffin for the
(highly sought after) ‘ongoing status position’ I currently have. So, I hear ya!
What kind of an idiot would I be to sacrifice all of that for a half-time job in a lab killing flies? With the rest of my time spent gallivanting around Germany having fun? (see there? My conundrum on the whole summed up in two sentences)
I also miss Alfie more
than possible to express in words, I miss frolicking in the backyard with Peter
and Jemima Puddleduck, I miss stepping outside into my veggie patch to pick
fresh, home-grown produce for my dinner, I miss having my own kitchen, with my
own utensils and implements and sharp knives, I miss spending my weekends in my
veggie patch turning the soil, getting in my new seedlings, harvesting my
crops, I miss brewing beer in my very own little backyard brewery, I MISS MY AMAZING
FRIENDS! I miss going to Dad’s house in the country to drink wine and talk shit
together, I miss my brothers, I miss the amazing Vietnamese Pho soup our local
man in Sunshine does, I miss eating African injera in Footscray, I miss eating
dumplings at Shanghai Dumpling house and then getting sick on msg overdose, I
miss heading to the Footscray and Sunshine markets to buy cheap produce, I MISS
FANTASTIC GREEK CUISINE! I miss the Vic Market for a lunchtime stroll, I miss
discovering local micro-breweries producing exceptional beers, I miss having a
full-time salary and behaving like an adult, I miss going to the beach whenever
I WANT, I miss the neighbourhoods, I miss Collingwood, Fitzroy, Brunswick, Northcote,
Yarraville, I MISS SPOONING GREG TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT!
Peter Puddleduck has a wee nap in my lap
(Fangio seen on the other couch, bless his socks!)
(Fangio seen on the other couch, bless his socks!)
Worth the watch! An hilarious parody about living in my 'burb, Sunshine.
Some freshly picked home produce!
Above: Jemima (left) and Peter (right) Puddleduck do some foraging for grubs in my veggie patch
Brilliant shots once again by the talented Jess B.
An oldie but a goodie! From 2009, back in the day when both of my sisters and I were all still in Melbourne, we enjoy a champagne fuelled picnic together
Berlin is a beast. Sometimes the beast seems able to be tamed, but then you realise it’s just a beast. You can’t tame a beast! DUH!
Here’s the thing though.
I goddamned LOVE BERLIN! Even living in relative poverty is a titillating
challenge. And also relatively commonplace. I’m not sure I have one friend in
Berlin with enough cash to be as profligate as I was accustomed to being back
in Melbourne. I love the German language, I love learning German, I love
exploring the city, I love meeting the people, I love discovering more of
Germany, I love wandering through the city and learning about its history, I LOVE
SPÄTI’S1! I love how cheap it is to live, I love how easy it is to
recycle, to bicycle, I love flaschenpfand2, I love how safe I feel
when I walk home from a bar at 5am, I LOVE BEER (and how it’s cheaper than
water)! I love the Weihnachtsmärkte3, I
love Glühwein4, I love the neighbourhoods, I love Kreuzberg,
Friedrichshain, Neukölln, I love the innumerable opportunities for everything,
I love the fact that Berlin never sleeps (apart from on Sundays, inexplicably),
I LOVE DÖNER KEBABS! I love the stigma, I love the hype, I love the hipsters, I
love the art, I love the inspiration, I love my bedroom, I love Photoautomat, I LOVE THE BREAD (1200
different brötchen5 varieties!)! I love waking up in the morning, I
love my new coffee grinder, I love the Italians, I love riding my bike through
forest to Buch, I love abandoned buildings, I love counting how many times I’m
approached as I walk through Görlitzerpark6, I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I
love the weekends, I love the Spree7, I love the quaint
Amsterdam-esque canals, I
love the Oberbaumbrücke8, I
love Mauerpark9, I love seeing so many doggie liberties, I love mitfahrgelegenheit10,
I love my wohngemeinschaft11, I LOVE THE FLOHMÄRKTE12! I
love my lifestyle here, I love the parks, I love kneipen13, I love Brauereien14,
I LOVE BIER STUNDE15!!
Just a little Berlin aesthetic
A Kreuzberg Späti
Oberbaumbrücke- my favourite bridge! From left this is my bro-in-law, Chris, me and me kid sis, Didgle!
Sunday grill sesh at Görli
Incredible spectacle! Karaoke (above) and the flea-market at Mauerpark
A snap by a Neukölln canal (next to Maybachufer)
First Sterni ever! Where else, but the Bier Stunde?!
A drunken train trip home from Buch... after Bier Stunde! Trying on someones glasses it seems... hehe!
A drunken train trip home from Buch... after Bier Stunde! Trying on someones glasses it seems... hehe!
But everything changes.
No matter what I decide, things will be different. The way I remember
everything...it won’t necessarily hold true. That’s just the nature of life; situations
evolve. In Melbourne, maybe my Vietnamese Pho man in Sunshine won’t be cooking
his Pho’s anymore, maybe my good friends will have moved away from Melbourne or
fallen in love and off the radar, maybe I’ll find the craft-beers too expensive
to justify, maybe I’ll find the summer too hot... In Berlin, maybe the often
cold and distant German mentality will start to upset me too much, maybe
surviving on my current salary will become impossible, maybe my Berlin friends
aren’t really my friends and cracks will start to show, maybe all of the dog shit
in the parks will start to bother me.... maybe maybe maybe.
Is it normal to feel
this level of confusion and confliction? Should I be following my heart or my
head? What if neither my heart nor head has any fully formed views? Where to
from here, Cristal? Where to?
An apt poem I thought
worthy of resurrection.
Poverty
(D.H. Lawrence)
The only
people I ever heard talk about my Lady Poverty
were rich people, or people who imagined themselves rich.
Saint Francis himself was a rich and spoiled young man.
Being born among the working people
I know that poverty is a hard old hag,
and a monster, when you're pinched for actual necessities.
were rich people, or people who imagined themselves rich.
Saint Francis himself was a rich and spoiled young man.
Being born among the working people
I know that poverty is a hard old hag,
and a monster, when you're pinched for actual necessities.
And whoever
says she isn't, is a liar.
I don't want to be poor, it means I am pinched.
But neither do I want to be rich.
When I look at this pine-tree near the sea,
that grows out of rock, and plumes forth, plumes forth,
I see it has natural abundance.
With its roots it has a grand grip on its daily bread,
and its plumes look like green cups held up to the sun and air
and full of wine.
I want to be like that, to have a natural abundance
and plume forth, and be splendid.
Footnotes
1 SPÄTI = A Spätkauf, affectionately dubbed a ‘späti’
literally translates to ‘late shopping’. Basically a späti is like a 24 hour
service station or convenience store, with PERKS! As in, you can buy damned cheap
beer whenever you please. Obviously they also stock other items such as cigarettes,
chips, Pfeffi, tea, coffee, etc. These little gems are ubiquitous throughout
the city so when your tongue is drying out and you need an ice-cold one to
quench that thirst, you can rely on finding a späti at least on each block!
2 Flaschenpfand = Money refunded for the return of empty bottles; beer, softdrinks, water, etc. The money is surprisingly decent, and a lot of elderly people resort to collecting for Flaschenpfand as a means of making an income. Kind of sad, but also very productive for a keeping a tidy city! Why every city doesn’t have such a scheme, I don’t know!
3 Weihnachtsmärkte = The German Christmas markets. A picturesque, buzzing and festive way to spend a chilly winters evening, however one must ensure they’re equipped with Glühwein!
4 Glühwein = Mulled wine, a beverage usually made with red wine along with various mulling spices and raisins. It is served hot or warm and may be alcoholic or non-alcoholic. It is a traditional drink during winter [taken from Wikipedia].
5 Brötchen = German for bread roll. ‘Schrippe’ is the term specific to Berlin.
6 Görlitzerpark = Previously an old railway station, Görlitzerpark is now a frenzied hub (in Summer) of full-time marijuana dealers, Berliner barbecuers, graffiti-garnished park space and hub situated in the heart of Kreuzberg. Although touted as relatively dangerous due to the abundance of dealers, I’ve never had any problems thus far and find the chaps approaches relatively innocuous, and that they generally respect my declines for any purchases.
7 Spree = Berlin’s own Yarra (i.e. river).
8 Oberbaumbrücke = Berlin’s iconic and picturesque landmark double-decker bridge, Oberbaum Bridge, was built in 1895 and links the districts of Kreuzberg and Friedrichshain, both separated by the Spree. The bridge features a seven-arched granite and brickwork façade, reminiscent of a medieval fortress due to its distinctive mock medieval turrets which recall the function of toll bridges and arches.
9 Mauerpark = A public park whose name translates to ‘Wall Park’, which refers to its status as a former part of the Berlin Wall and no-man’s land strip. These days the park enjoys fame for its well regarded Sunday flea market and highly popular karaoke event which packs out the area in the Summer as people from all walks of life get up and bang out their favourite hit.
10 Mitfahrgelegenheit = An inexpensive way to travel, through this website you’re able to car-pool with only a nominal contribution to gas- a win-win for all!
11 Wohngemeinschaft = Share-house
12 Flohmärkte = Flea market
13 Kneipen = Bars, and I think the term is specific to the kind of bars I find myself enamoured with! Grungy, smokey (you’re still allowed to smoke in most kneipen in Berlin!) and a fine selection of German beers, with Hefe Weizen (wheat beers) consistently my pick!
14 Brauereien = Breweries
15 Bier Stunde = The ‘Beer –Hour / Happy-Hour‘ arranged by the Research Institute I’m working in for crazy Friday night shanaigans for just 3€ in Buch. NOT TO BE MISSED!
2 Flaschenpfand = Money refunded for the return of empty bottles; beer, softdrinks, water, etc. The money is surprisingly decent, and a lot of elderly people resort to collecting for Flaschenpfand as a means of making an income. Kind of sad, but also very productive for a keeping a tidy city! Why every city doesn’t have such a scheme, I don’t know!
3 Weihnachtsmärkte = The German Christmas markets. A picturesque, buzzing and festive way to spend a chilly winters evening, however one must ensure they’re equipped with Glühwein!
4 Glühwein = Mulled wine, a beverage usually made with red wine along with various mulling spices and raisins. It is served hot or warm and may be alcoholic or non-alcoholic. It is a traditional drink during winter [taken from Wikipedia].
5 Brötchen = German for bread roll. ‘Schrippe’ is the term specific to Berlin.
6 Görlitzerpark = Previously an old railway station, Görlitzerpark is now a frenzied hub (in Summer) of full-time marijuana dealers, Berliner barbecuers, graffiti-garnished park space and hub situated in the heart of Kreuzberg. Although touted as relatively dangerous due to the abundance of dealers, I’ve never had any problems thus far and find the chaps approaches relatively innocuous, and that they generally respect my declines for any purchases.
7 Spree = Berlin’s own Yarra (i.e. river).
8 Oberbaumbrücke = Berlin’s iconic and picturesque landmark double-decker bridge, Oberbaum Bridge, was built in 1895 and links the districts of Kreuzberg and Friedrichshain, both separated by the Spree. The bridge features a seven-arched granite and brickwork façade, reminiscent of a medieval fortress due to its distinctive mock medieval turrets which recall the function of toll bridges and arches.
9 Mauerpark = A public park whose name translates to ‘Wall Park’, which refers to its status as a former part of the Berlin Wall and no-man’s land strip. These days the park enjoys fame for its well regarded Sunday flea market and highly popular karaoke event which packs out the area in the Summer as people from all walks of life get up and bang out their favourite hit.
10 Mitfahrgelegenheit = An inexpensive way to travel, through this website you’re able to car-pool with only a nominal contribution to gas- a win-win for all!
11 Wohngemeinschaft = Share-house
12 Flohmärkte = Flea market
13 Kneipen = Bars, and I think the term is specific to the kind of bars I find myself enamoured with! Grungy, smokey (you’re still allowed to smoke in most kneipen in Berlin!) and a fine selection of German beers, with Hefe Weizen (wheat beers) consistently my pick!
14 Brauereien = Breweries
15 Bier Stunde = The ‘Beer –Hour / Happy-Hour‘ arranged by the Research Institute I’m working in for crazy Friday night shanaigans for just 3€ in Buch. NOT TO BE MISSED!
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